Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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