I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
