I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
