called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize