then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
