rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
