You're so nebulous sometimes
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
