a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
