Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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