if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
