she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
