I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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