youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
