Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
