Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
