I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
