Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
