I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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