Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
