whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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