doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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