Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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