Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
