ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my shit smells like andre
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
