thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
