The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
