You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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