And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
