thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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