Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
