Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
