dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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