I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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