I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
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my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
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ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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