no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I supernannyed him into submission
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
