Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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