She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
