the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
