i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
