Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Come see our sink grown plant.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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