Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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