my mouth tastes like poor choices
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
