I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
