after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
