I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
