So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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