please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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