It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
