Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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