You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
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So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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