She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
