Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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