How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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