hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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