Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
