i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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