Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
