Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
