Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He called his prostate his "boner button".
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
