Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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