I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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