I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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