Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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