Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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