I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish i was in the wii world.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
