i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
