Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
