it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
