At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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