Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
