He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
