I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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