we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
