This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
