I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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