I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
