He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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Randomize
