At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
