:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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