There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
